Where There Is Love
by StarkBlack
Summary: Izumo and Kotetsu have been friends for as long as they can remember. But now Izumo is telling Kotetsu that it has to end. No spoilers. WARNINGS: yaoi, explicit sex, language.


I think I am the only person on the PLANET that didn't know Kotetsu and Izumo were older than Iruka. I read somewhere that they were both 19 at the start of the series, and I've always thought that. Then, doing some reading in prep for this fic, I come across that they're my age???? No way. Well, whatever.

I thought there wasn't enough TetsuZumo in the world, and so I figured I would add to the very small pile of chuunin sexy times. Hope you all enjoy. xD Thanks Sinisterbug for the read through!

"A friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of nature."  
_-Ralph Waldo Emerson_

**Where There Is Love**

The first time Izumo told Kotetsu that he loved him, Kotetsu laughed; he hadn't known his best friend was serious. They were eleven, just graduated from ninja academy, and decided they were going to take a few bottles of sake into the woods and get drunk for the first time together in celebration.

That was how it had always been: together. Everything was together. Kotetsu could not remember a single first he had experienced without Izumo at his side. The two were inseparable, "like peas in a pod" his mother always said. Their actions, their thoughts, their emotions always seemed to be in perfect sequence; their very souls in harmony with each other.

That was why, when Kotetsu saw that desperate look in his friend's eyes, the seriousness in his most important person's face, he was caught so off guard. His laughter ceased. He had never seen anything even remotely like this coming.

"I…" he had said as he turned around fully. "What?"

Izumo just shoved his hands deep into his pockets and watched the ground as he scuffed the tip of his sandal.

"I love you," he repeated softly. "I just needed to tell you before I exploded."

Kotetsu blinked. His teachers in the academy had told him frequently that he was a smart kid, but there were times when he was sure his brain just vacated his head.

Kind of like now.

"I uh…" Kotetsu crossed his arms over his chest, trying to collect himself and make himself look as manly as an eleven year old boy could when he was about to say girly things.

"I love you too, Izumo. You're like my brother… and stuff."

Izumo cracked a smile and sighed softly like he always did. He got that amused glint in his eye whenever he had to stop and explain something to Kotetsu.

Kotetsu never let it bother him that it happened often.

"No, Tetsu…" His friend's eyes stayed fixed on the ground. "I love you the way I'm not supposed to. Like the way those guys- you know the two that were holding hands underneath the big sakura tree behind the academy? Those guys you were making fun of a few weeks ago?" Izumo's bottom lip trembled. "The way they love each other."

Later, Kotetsu would look back at this conversation and pat himself on the back for how quickly he caught on to what Izumo was saying.

"I… I wasn't making fun of them!" Kotetsu didn't know what to do with his hands, so they flailed a little around his head. "I mean, not them _them_ them! I mean, I was just-"

"It's okay, Tetsu," Izumo's eyes moved to Kotetsu's feet. "I know you didn't want to hurt me when you said those things. And I should have told you a long time ago, but I didn't want you to hate me."

Kotetsu felt his heart was going to beat right out of his chest. Izumo was back to making no sense, talking like someone who was saying goodbye before going away on a long mission, and Kotetsu didn't know what to do.

"H-hate you?"

Izumo didn't look at him, and he took a small step back.

"I knew I'd have to tell you sooner or later. I just wasn't ready for us to not hang out anymore. I thought I'd be okay with just liking you, and being your friend, but…" Izumo's gaze returned to the ground at his feet and Kotetsu's heart finally just broke. Izumo always looked him in the eye when they were talking. Why was his friend so ashamed? Why did he think he would hate him?

"Zumo, why are you saying this?" he felt his hands start to shake as he spoke. "Why are you saying I'll hate you? How could I ever hate you? Why would I hate my best friend?"

Izumo looked up and laughed, but there was so humor in it. A small trickle of tears slipped from the corner of his eyes and he wiped them away with the back of his hand.

"That's what I mean, Tetsu. To you, I'm your best friend, and I'll always be your best friend. But that's not how I think of you. "

Kotetsu felt cold as his friend spoke. He didn't want to hear this. He didn't want anything to change between him and his friend—his most precious, best friend.

"What do you want me to do?" Kotetsu asked, close to panic.

Izumo shook his head. "You don't have to do anything. I just wanted to tell you. I'll go home now, and I won't bother you anymore. I'm going to talk to sensei tomorrow and have him put me on another team."

Kotetsu was back to blinking. He couldn't think of anything to say, his mind had vacated again. When Izumo smiled softly and finally, finally lifted his eyes to meet his, something cold dropped into the spiky-haired genin's stomach.

"I'll see you around, Tetsu." Izumo gave him a small wave, and turned to leave.

Kotetsu made a decision then, one he never, ever, came to regret. He reached out and grabbed onto his friend's arm as he started to walk away. He pulled Izumo back to him and growled low in his throat.

"Don't decide stuff like that without even talking to me!" He was frantic, his heart pounded against his chest. "I can't- you can't just say you're not gonna hang out with me anymore! I'm half of this friendship, jerk!"

"Didn't you hear what I said, Tetsu?" Izumo's jaw was clenched hard, but he spoke though his teeth as the tears started to flow freely. "I have dirty thoughts about you. Doesn't that gross you out? You said the guys underneath the sakura tree made you feel creepy. I can't be around you knowing that I make you feel cree-"

"But that wasn't _you!_" Kotetsu shook his friend as if it would help him understand. "That was two guys that I didn't know, and I had no idea… and I never… ever would have said that stuff…" Kotetsu felt tears welling up in his own eyes and he fought them back with everything that he was.

"Zumo, I'm so sorry… please, please don't stop being my friend."

Izumo stood there staring at him for several long moments before he opened his mouth. His voice shook and his hand gripped Kotetsu's arm like a lifeline.

"You… you're not mad?"

"Of course I'm mad!" Kotetsu cried. "I'm mad that you would think I'm like that! And I'm mad that you decided to tell me about this and then just leave! Why wouldn't I still want to be your friend, huh? Why would you loving me be a bad thing!? Don't put fucking words in my mouth!"

Izumo's eyes widened at the cuss word his father had told him only grownups use, but it only distracted him for a few seconds. The steady flow of tears became a waterfall, and he pressed the heels of his palms into his eye sockets.

"T… Tetsu…" he cried softly.

Kotetsu awkwardly put an arm around his best friend's shoulders.

"I'm not gonna hug you," Kotetsu grumbled, "'Cause that's real girly. And I'm gonna let you cry for a little bit, but then you gotta stop. We have an entire bag of sake that I'm not letting go to waste, and a graduation to celebrate, so let's go."

Izumo sniffed hard a couple times, and then straightened, wiping furiously at his eyes and cheeks. Kotetsu's heart lifted when his friend looked up at him and smiled. His face was red and blotchy, and his lip was swollen from chewing mercilessly on it, but his eyes were happy once again.

"Okay," Izumo said, snatching the backpack from off Kotetsu's shoulder. "Let's go get drunk."

X x X x X

The second time Izumo told Kotetsu that he loved him, it hadn't been meant for Kotetsu's ears, and Izumo wouldn't remember the confessions until years later.

Making chuunin had always been simultaneously a big deal and a big pain in the ass. On one hand, it was a major step in a young ninja's journey to becoming one of the village's elite. But on the other hand, it was a step that opened the way for a million more steps, and sometimes made the road to jounin seem almost impossible. Like a civilian finishing up the grueling trials of high school, only to find that there was college and real world waiting to eat them alive, sometimes a young, fresh chuunin got a little discouraged and needed to drown themselves in liquor, sex, and other unspeakable indulgences.

Of course, the relief that the stress of exams were over might have something to do with it too.

Kotetsu sat in the center of the largest couch he had ever laid eyes on, and fingered the long scratches covering the right side of his neck. He had received them from his opponent earlier that day, but it had been well worth it. His victory had been solid, and he now wore the green chuunin flack vest to show for it. Music he loved thumped from a stereo system that could rupture eardrums, he sat with friends and comrades, talking and laughing. He had a drink in hand, a nice buzz going, and a hot brunette making eyes at him from across the room. She wanted it, and Kotetsu was most definitely going to give it to her later that night.

Kotetsu sighed happily; life was good.

Well… close to good anyway. If only Izumo had been chilling with him, then life would be _perfect_. He was always more at ease when his best friend was around. He felt a little more complete; a little more right with the world. But instead, Izumo was no doubt on the porch, or leaning up against the wall of the building outside, getting in yet another fight with his boyfriend.

Kotetsu really disliked Izumo's boyfriend. In fact, he hated that son of a bitch. Ever since Izumo had started dating that piece of shit, Kotetsu barely saw his best friend. It was always 'Oh, I'm sorry, Kotetsu. Shouichi wanted tonight to be just me and him." Or 'Don't worry, Tetsu, I'll meet up with you sometime later this week, okay?' Bull shit. That shit eater wanted to be alone, so he was free to push Izumo around without anyone to scrutinize him. Kotetsu saw the way the bastard treated Izumo and it made his blood boil just to think about it.

Sure enough, just as Kotetsu started to wonder where his best friend was, Izumo came in through the back door, Shouichi-Bastard hot on his heels.

Kotetsu could not make out Izumo's voice over the din of the crowd or the loud pumping of the bass from the stereo, but he could read his friend's lips so well, it was almost as good.

"How many times do I have to tell you, Shouichi? No is no is _no!_"

Shouichi-Idiot grabbed Izumo's arm, and yanked the smaller man close. Kotetsu's heart pounded hard against his chest as his adrenaline started to pump through his veins. He watched Shouichi-Retard growl something into Izumo's face.

"Oh man," Kotetsu's friend, Sho laughed beside him. "Izumo's fucking _trashed!_"

It was true. Kotetsu turned his attention back to his friend and noticed the way Izumo was having trouble standing. He stumbled, and probably the only thing keeping him upright was Shouichi-Loser holding his arm.

Suddenly, Izumo swayed and his skin paled drastically. He wrenched his arm away from Shouichi and pushed past a couple of their friends to vomit into the kitchen's trash. Several people laughed, a few cheered as Izumo straightened and waved as if in triumph, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Gods," Sho chuckled drunkenly, "You two are so alike it's scary."

Kotetsu watched Shouichi take back Izumo's arm, and pull his boyfriend out of the kitchen and up the stairs. He said some douche-baggy thing that made several people laugh as he and Izumo disappeared upstairs, but Kotetsu didn't think it was funny at all.

"That son of a bitch…" Kotetsu growled.

"What's a matter, Tetsu?" Sho asked.

Kotetsu stood. "I don't know," he said. "Maybe nothing, but Zumo never throws up when he drinks."

Sho scoffed. "Come on, everyone throws up sometimes."

"No," Kotetsu barked, his anger making him hot. "Zumo doesn't. Something's fucking wrong, and I'm gonna go check on them."

Kotetsu handed his drink to Sho and straightened his new chuunin vest.

"Just be prepared to see some shit you don't wanna see, bro." His friend waved and polished off Kotetsu's drink.

Kotetsu ignored him and moved quickly up the stairs, two at a time. He passed several couples kissing and talking in the hallway before a soft, feminine voice stopped him.

"If you're looking for Izumo, Kotetsu, he just went in there with Shouichi. I wouldn't bother them if I were you." Kotetsu turned to see his friend, Hana, smiling at him from the doorway to one of the guest rooms. She had on nothing but a t-shirt and red, lacy panties. "You can bother me if you like, though."

On any normal day, Kotetsu would have said screw Zumo, he can take care of himself. But tonight, the newly-promoted chuunin knew there was something wrong, and he would be dissuaded by nothing.

"Sorry, babe," Kotetsu waved. "You're smoking tonight, but I gotta make sure Zumo's okay."

Hana giggled and lifted a beer to her lips. "Oh I'm sure he's more than okay…"

Kotetsu turned around and moved to the door Hana had pointed out. He tried the knob, but he found it locked. He knocked once, but there was no answer. He knew he was probably being stupid, and if Kotetsu barged in there now, Zumo would be so embarrassed, he wouldn't be able to look at his friend in the face tomorrow.

Sighing, Kotetsu put his ear to the door and listened. He heard a thump, and a soft grunt; nothing out of the ordinary for a party like this one. The spiky-haired ninja rested against the door, not sure why his heart hurt so much at finding things were okay.

But then Izumo's voice rang clear as a bell though the door.

"I said stop! No! _Let go of me!_"

Nothing short of the famous Hatake Kakashi in full Sharingan mode could have kept Kotetsu out of the room then. After hearing Izumo's cry, there was barely a moment before the door was in splinters, and Kotetsu was over the threshold and trying to take in the scene before him.

Izumo was lying face down on the bed with Shouichi-Ass-Face kneeling over him. Izumo's hands were holding the waistband of his uniform pants, as Shouichi-Shit-Head was trying to pull them down over his hips. Shit-Face looked up when Kotetsu broke down the door. His eyes were glazed from lust and too much alcohol.

"Get the fuck off him." Kotetsu said softly.

Shouichi-Fuck-Head smiled then, running his hands over his prisoner's ass.

"What if he doesn't want to?"

Izumo moaned as if in pain and tried to push the hands off him with clumsy movements. Kotetsu recognized the effects of drugging instantly and his blood caught on fire. He stepped forward and bared his teeth.

"Get the fuck off him, _now_."

Shouichi-The-Human-Sized-Feces slowly pulled away from Izumo, slid off the bed, and straightened. He stumbled, catching himself on the bedpost, and snickered under his breath.

"Last time I checked, Kotetsu, you were straight. You change your mind? You wanna get in on this fine little piece of ass? I could share if you really-"

Kotetsu's fingers found three pressure points in Shouichi-Cunt before the super-jerk knew what happened. The taller man collapsed, his body falling in a heap on the floor. Kotetsu used every bit of willpower he possessed to restrain himself from beating the living shit out of the asshole. He stepped over the body and moved to the bed where Izumo lay trying desperately to fasten his pants.

Kotetsu gently tried to push Izumo's fingers away, but his friend flinched violently away from him.

"No… please. I don't want to." Tears ran from Izumo's eyes. Eyes that Kotetsu was sure could not see him.

"Shhh, Zumo," Kotetsu said softly. "It's me. It's Tetsu."

"Tetsu?" Izumo's eyelids fluttered, and his hands reached out blindly. "Where is Tetsu?"

Kotetsu's heart broke. Izumo was completely gone. The spiky-haired ninja couldn't tell if Izumo had been actually drugged, or if he was under some kind of jutsu. It didn't matter either way; he needed to get to a hospital.

Bringing his lips close to Izumo's ear, Kotetsu whispered to his friend, trying to calm him with his voice.

"I'm here, Zumo. It's okay, you're okay now…"

Izumo's hands found Kotetsu's uniform and gripped the fabric tightly. He pulled himself to Kotetsu's chest, and Kotetsu slid his arms around his best friend.

"Don't tell…" Izumo mumbled. "Don't tell Tetsu… I don't want him… to see me like this…"

Kotetsu stroked Izumo's hair and started to pull a summoning scroll from his pouch. "I won't, I promise."

Izumo sniffed, and let out the smallest of sobs. "He can't know I'm like this… he can't know… I can't let him see me…"

Kotetsu opened the scroll and bit into the flesh of his thumb. "I'm sure Kotetsu would understand. Don't worry about it." He drew a symbol in his blood in the scroll, and tried to bring his other hand around to make the seals for summoning.

"I can't see…" Izumo was sounding more and more like he was drifting off. "Am I dying?"

"No," Kotetsu said firmly. He quickly made the three seals, and a poof of smoke revealed a small rat. It took off, its mission already known: Find and retrieve medic ninja.

"You're not dying," Kotetsu returned his attention to his friend. "You're just stupid… stupid for letting that shit-head around you."

Izumo groaned and pushed away from his friend's hold. "I'm gonna be sick," he said quietly.

Kotetsu held him while he threw up out the window. The spiky-haired ninja prayed that no one happened to walk beneath them, but there were no screams or curses from down below, so he figured they were okay.

As he laid Izumo back onto the bed, two ninja in white landed on the window sill. Kotetsu straightened and motioned them over.

"I think he's drugged," Kotetsu said quickly. "He's thrown up twice, his pupils' are dilated, his speech is slurred, and he's talking kind of nonsense."

The medic ninja nodded silently, one moving to the bed to assist Izumo, and the other stepped nimbly over to KO'd Shouichi.

"Leave him," Kotetsu growled. "He'll be fine. He'll just wake up with a fucking bad headache tomorrow."

The medic shrugged and pulled his bag over his head.

"Tetsu…" Izumo moaned as the first medic shone a light in his eyes and felt at his wrist for a pulse. "Tetsu…"

Kotetsu knelt beside his friend and brushed his dark hair out of his eyes.

"I'm here Zumo…"

Izumo's eyes opened, but did not fix on anything. "Hey… could you do me a favor?" he asked.

Kotetsu leaned closer. "Sure."

Izumo swallowed thickly. "After I die, will you tell my mom I'm sorry for all the porn under my bed?"

Kotetsu laughed and exchanged an amused look with the second medic. "I told you you're not going to die. And if you were, I would get rid of all the porn so your mom wouldn't find it."

Izumo frowned. "You know where I live?"

"He might be hallucinating," the first medic said. "He probably has no idea where he is or who you are. This- whatever he got dosed with- is really strong stuff. I'm gonna have to put him out for the trip back. He might become violent if we move him."

Kotetsu nodded and the medic started to apply chakra and pressure to the back of Izumo's neck.

"Oh…" Izumo sighed. "I think I'm going… will you do me another favor?"

Kotetsu shook his head and leaned in close. "What is it, Izumo?"

Izumo's eyes closed and Kotetsu was surprised to see tears trickle down his cheeks from beneath his long eyelashes. He motioned to the medic to stop, and he leaned in closer.

"Will you tell Kotetsu something for me?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.

Kotetsu's eyes widened. "Okay."

Izumo sniffed and tried to wipe at his face, but his hands were still clumsy and he only succeeded in rubbing at his forehead.

"Tell him I'm sorry…"

"Sorry for what?" Kotetsu asked.

Izumo reached up and took a tight hold of Kotetsu's top. His eyes rolled and he groaned in pain. "I… never… s-stupid…" He took a few breaths before squeezing his eyes shut. "I tried… I tried…"

The medic reached out to pull Izumo's hands from Kotetsu's uniform. "He's losing it. We have to get him out of here now. He's probably in shock."

Kotetsu nodded, but when the medics tried to pull his friend off, Izumo's eyes snapped open and looked around franticly, and with surprising clarity.

"No! No, wait!" Izumo cried.

Kotetsu stood and pulled Izumo's forehead protector from his head. "It's okay. The medics are gonna take care of you, Zumo. Just relax and let them do their jobs."

Izumo struggled and freed his arm from the grasp of the second medic. He reached up and gripped Kotetsu's top again, this time with a strength that was astonishing. He pulled his friend back down to him, bringing his lips close to Kotetsu's ear.

"Please, tell Kotetsu… tell Kotetsu I tried." His voice was hoarse. "Tell him I tried to fall out of love with him, but I can't. And I'm so… so sorry."

Kotetsu froze as the first medic finally released enough chakra to knock Izumo out. The two white-clothed ninja then lifted the chuunin, and prepared for the trip back to the hospital.

Standing, unable to move, Kotetsu could only watch as his friend was carried out, pale and limp. His heart pounded against his ribs, his chest was tight, and something warm and not entirely unpleasant had started to coil in his stomach.

He shook his head, clearing his throat and starting downstairs.

"You're not gonna die. Idiot."

Later, when Izumo's body had been cleansed of the poison, and his various bumps and bruises left by Shouichi The Biggest Prick Ever had been healed, Kotetsu sat with Izumo's parents in his room until he regained consciousness.

Izumo awoke cheerful and happy to see his them. His mother scolded him on his drinking habits, but everyone was more interested in congratulating him on his and Kotetsu's chuunin promotion. He remembered nothing of the party or Kotetsu's rescue, and Kotetsu didn't divulge any specifics on what happened. He did however reveal later that Shouichi would not be around much anymore. Izumo didn't seem all that upset, so the spiky-haired ninja surmised the details of their split were not important.

As he watched Izumo and his parents talk and laugh, Kotetsu thought about what his friend had told him before the medics had knocked him out. Had it just been a part of his delusions in his intoxicated and drugged state? Had he just been spouting nonsense? Kotetsu wouldn't have given the sloppy confession a second thought had he not taken his friend's words very seriously when they were kids. If it was true, what was he supposed to do? If Izumo still loved him, wasn't he just being hurt by being around him?

Confused and tired, Kotetsu stood and after wishing Izumo a speedy recovery, made his way out of the hospital and back down the road to his own house.

As the weeks and months would roll by, Kotetsu would think less and less about what Izumo said, and after long months and then a few years, he would forget entirely. There was no way, Izumo had been drunk _and_poisoned. He hadn't known what he was saying. Izumo was like his brother, and would always be that way.

But that night as Kotetsu walked slowly home, hands in his pockets and his mind a million miles away, that thought bothered him. He didn't think much about it then, but years later, he would realize just how much that idea had actually hurt.

X x X x X

The third time Izumo told Kotetsu that he loved him, was almost exactly like the first; except that Kotetsu didn't laugh.

"Man!" Kotetsu whined. "Look how much this is! Can you believe how much kunai are nowadays? I remember when you could get four for this!"

Izumo sighed behind him. "Just use the issued ones, you dork. There's no difference."

Kotetsu growled. "Yes there is! You know issued kunai have extra weight in the blades! It's retarded! My aim is all skewed unless I use the feather-grip!"

Kotetsu heard his friend snort. "I'm pretty sure it's just due to your lack of skill."

The spiky-haired ninja made a noise and grabbed six fresh kunai from the racks. He took them to the counter and placed the money on the glass.

"You're fucking robbing me here," he mumbled. The old man behind the counter took his money with a smile.

"Where are we eating?" Kotetsu pouted as they left the shop. He placed his purchases in his pouch and stretched his arms over his head.

Izumo looked both ways down the long street and shrugged. "Don't care."

Kotetsu glanced at his friend out the corner of his eye. Izumo had been acting weird lately; quiet, reserved, didn't want to play pranks on anyone. It was seriously depressing.

"Hey," he asked. "What about that takeout we had a couple nights ago? Is it still in your fridge?"

Izumo looked at him, and Kotetsu was stunned to see that he looked a little sad.

"Yeah," Izumo said softly. "Let's do that."

As they walked the dirt path, Kotetsu shoved his hands in his pockets. The silence that was usually so comfortable between them had suddenly become awkward.

"You okay, man?" Kotetsu asked carefully.

Izumo nodded. "Just tired."

When they reached Izumo's apartment, Kotetsu didn't move out of the doorway. He didn't even take off his sandals. He had seen Izumo like this before, but it had never been directed at him personally. The whole thing was surreal, and very uncomfortable.

"I'm not really that hungry," Izumo said quietly. "You can heat it up for yourself though. I'm gonna go change real quick."

As his friend started up the stairs, Kotetsu scratched at his chin. "Everything okay with you and Kai?"

Izumo stopped, his hand clenching on the railing. He turned his head to speak over his shoulder, but didn't look directly at Kotetsu.

"We broke up a week ago."

Kotetsu fumbled for words. "Oh… I'm sorry."

Izumo shook his head. "It's okay. I didn't really care… I broke up with him."

Kotetsu slipped off his sandals then, and climbing the first step, he pulled on Izumo's arm tying to turn his friend around to face him. "I really am sorry, Zumo. Why didn't you tell me?"

Izumo pulled from his grip and started climbing the stairs once again. "I told you, I didn't really care. It's not a big deal."

Kotetsu followed slowly, stopping in the doorway to the other man's room. He leaned against the door frame and watched his friend pull off his flack vest.

"What's up with you lately, Zumo?" Kotetsu asked softy. "You're with a different guy every week. You're all depressed and quiet. You always seem… so sad."

Izumo dropped his vest onto a chair and chuckled without humor. "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter!" Kotetsu growled. "It matters a lot to me! My best friend is acting like there's something wrong and I'm just supposed to shrug it off 'cause 'it doesn't matter'?"

Izumo's shoulders sagged. He moved to the bed and turned slowly to sit on the corner. He pulled off his hitai-ate and tossed it on a nearby footlocker. Kotetsu stood silently, waiting to hear what was on his friend's mind.

"You're always so nice to me…" Izumo murmured.

Kotetsu sighed, rubbing a hand over his eyes. "Nice, of course I'm nice, we're friends!" The spiky-haired nin wanted to punch something. "I mean, what? Do you _want_ me to be a dick to you or something?"

He hadn't meant anything by it, so when Izumo smiled sadly and shrugged, Kotetsu's heart skipped a few beats.

"Sometimes…" Izumo's voice was quiet. "Sometimes I wish you would."

Dumbfounded, Kotetsu pushed off the door frame. "What?"

Izumo's gaze remained on the floor. "You're always so nice… and it makes it hard for me. Sometimes I wish you were mean. I wish you were cruel to me so I could forget…" his voice caught and he cleared his throat. "…forget you."

Kotetsu couldn't move. He felt his legs had been turned to stone. His hands clenched and unclenched as something snaked through his abdomen and squeezed all his guts at the same time.

"Why… why do you want to forget me, Zumo?"

Izumo clasped his hands together, and finally looked up at his friend.

"Because I'm in love with you." He spoke so quietly, Kotetsu almost didn't hear him. "I've always been in love with you, ever since we were kids. And seeing you every day, being around you and not…" Izumo closed his eyes, sighing heavily. "I can't handle it anymore. I can't do it. It hurts too much."

Kotetsu ran a hand over his hair. He turned to pace the room, his stomach tying itself into knots as he thought about everything that this conversation meant.

"So…" he murmured, "that's it then? You just want to stop being friends? You want to never see me again, just like that?"

Izumo was still. "I need time away from you. I need to make a life that doesn't involve you so I can… move on."

Shit. This was it. It was really it. Kotetsu was going to lose Izumo. He was going to lose his best friend and he couldn't do anything to stop it. It had almost happened once, _could_ have happened twice, but now it was for real.

Kotetsu ground his teeth together. There was no way he could walk away from this; Izumo was a part of him! They were a part of each other! Everything Kotetsu was, Izumo had helped him become. He would have never become a ninja, never passed his chuunin exams, never have made it back on countless missions if it hadn't been for Izumo.

The world started to cave in around him. Kotetsu's chest became so unbearably tight it was painful to draw in a breath. The thought of a life without Izumo was so daunting it made the future seem beyond dismal. It made it seem almost futile. He curled over a little as the urge to vomit made his head spin. He felt the walls closing in, his heart crawling up into his throat. Fuck, he was such an ass! Kotetsu should have ended it years ago! He could have saved Izumo from the pain he was going through now. He had been so fucking selfish. All he had cared about was staying friends; having Izumo around, and not about how his friend felt.

He heard Izumo sigh from the bed and stand. His friend's hand fell on his shoulder.

"I know your killing yourself right now, Tetsu. Don't." Izumo's soft, deep voice spoke quietly into his ear.  
"I won't ever regret being friends with you, and you shouldn't either."

Kotetsu didn't want to turn around. He didn't want his friend to see his tears.

"I'm so sorry, Zumo…"

"Don't be sorry," Izumo replied.

Kotetsu let out a quiet sob and wiped at his face. "If there was anything I could do to make up for what I've put you through, I would do it. I swear."

Izumo was silent for a moment, and his hand slipped from Kotetsu's shoulder.

"Anything?" Izumo asked. His voice was barely above a whisper.

Kotetsu turned to him then, still wiping at his eyes. "Yes, anything."

Izumo took a step back. He regarded Kotetsu for a moment carefully, his eyes searching, thinking.

"There is something…" Izumo said finally.

Kotetsu's heart sped up. "What?"

Izumo tilted his head to the side, and took a breath. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and then hesitantly opened it again. When he spoke, it was in a voice Kotetsu barely knew.

"Sleep with me…" he said.

Kotetsu blinked, not sure he had heard correctly. "What?"

"Have sex with me," Izumo said, louder this time, and much more firmly, "just once. You've done some stuff with dudes on missions before. Have sex with me… before you leave."

Kotetsu wasn't sure what to do; what to say, what to even think. He had done some things before with guys on missions, but it was just touching here and there, a quick kiss on the cheek, a dirty phone conversation. It hadn't been _sex_. Kotetsu was straight. He liked girls. He had never thought that way about another man before.

Well… okay, that wasn't entirely true. He had thought once or twice about what Izumo might look like in a girl's position. He had wondered once in a while what Izumo might sound like when he was with a lover. When his friend had confessed to Kotetsu years ago that he liked being on the bottom, maybe-just _maybe_—once, he had thought about what it might be like to have Izumo like that.

"I can lay on my stomach," Izumo said softly, his determination waning. "It'll almost be like doing it to a girl… sort of."

Kotetsu swallowed. Could he do it? Have sex with a guy? It _was_ Izumo after all. Izumo was his best friend. Izumo had been there the first time Kotetsu had drank, smoked pot, _and_ stolen someone's horse. He had been there the first time Kotetsu had been poisoned. When Kotetsu had gone on his first mission and come back with a large piece of shrapnel in his thigh, Izumo had sat beside his hospital bed for two days.

And he had been breaking Izumo's heart since they were kids. He owed this to his friend. It was the least he could do for everything he had put Izumo through, even if it had been unintentional… Or had it been?

Kotetsu looked at Izumo and took a deep breath.

"Okay…" he said softly.

Izumo's eyes widened. "What?"

Kotetsu clenched his fists. "I'll have sex with you."

Izumo seemed frozen to the spot, and Kotetsu actually had to chuckle at his friend's expression. "What? You asked me and now you're just gonna stand there with your slack-jaw?"

"I…" Izumo blinked and shook his head as if to clear it. "I didn't think you'd say yes."

Kotetsu smiled sadly. "I said I would do anything for you, Zumo."

Izumo looked at the floor and hesitantly took another step forward. "You don't think it's gross? You don't think… um… Will you be able to?"

Kotetsu reached out his hand, clasping Izumo's trembling fingers. His heart pounded against his ribs. He was apprehensive, but again, this was Izumo. Kotetsu's words were not just for comfort. For Izumo, he really could do anything.

"I'll be okay," he whispered.

He pulled Izumo close and brushed his friend's long bangs from his face. So rarely did he get to see both of Izumo's eyes at one time, and the way the slighter man was looking at him, made Kotetsu's breath catch.

Izumo was shaking. His hands came up to clutch at Kotetsu's vest. As the spiky-haired ninja's lips caressed his forehead, Izumo stopped breathing. He made a small sound in the back of his throat and frantically, desperately pulled himself against Kotetsu's body. His arms came around Kotetsu's neck, and the larger man slid his hands around his friend's waist.

"It's okay, Zumo," he whispered as he held the other man tightly. "It's okay. Just tell me what to do."

After a moment, Izumo pulled away, and looked back up into Kotetsu's eyes. He wet his lips and tried to speak, but his face reddened and he lowered his gaze to stare hard at Kotetsu's neck.

"Your, um…" Izumo stammered. "Your clothes…"

Kotetsu smiled softly and moved to take off his vest and hitai-ate. He handed them to Izumo to hold as he stripped out of his leg wraps and uniform top. After laying the long-sleeved shirt and under armor over the back of the chair, he turned back to Izumo and stood still, waiting patiently in nothing but his pants.

Izumo was looking at him with heavily-lidded eyes. If Kotetsu had not been so nervous, he would have made a snarky comment about being subject to Izumo's 'pervert gaze'. But as the situation was what it was, the slighter man's look only stirred Kotetsu's blood.

Placing Kotetsu's things on the armoire, Izumo slowly pulled off his own uniform top and shed his leg wrappings. He hesitated when his thumbs hooked in the top of his uniform pants, so he took a breath, and hastily turned around.

"You probably don't want to see, so… I'll just…"

Kotetsu decided then that if he was going to go through with this, he was going to go all out. He would not let Izumo feel ashamed. He stepped forward and ran his hands down Izumo's arms. Izumo gasped, and then went rigid as Kotetsu's fingers slipped beneath his waistband. Whimpering softly, the slighter man arched against him as Kotetsu pushed the pants and boxers over toned hips. The fabric pooled on the floor around Izumo's feet, and Kotetsu guided his friend to the bed.

Izumo laid face down, his fists curled so tightly in the sheets, his knuckles burned white. Kotetsu moved to straddle one of his legs, bringing his lips to the other's shoulder blades. He kissed across the smooth, light-colored skin, marveling at the lean muscle that flexed beneath his fingers. His hand trailed down, cupping the slighter man's buttocks, thumb caressing the inside of Izumo's thigh.

"Is this alright?" he asked, running his tongue up Izumo's spine. He tasted sweet and salty at the same time.

"Yes," Izumo breathed.

"What else?" Kotetsu brushed aside Izumo's hair and kissed his friend's neck. "What else can I do?"

Izumo raised himself up on his elbows and reached under his pillow. He pulled out a small bottle and handed it to Kotetsu. The spiky-haired ninja glanced at the bottle and back up at his friend. Izumo was looking at him over his shoulder, his eyes frightened but expectant.

"I want you inside me," Izumo murmured softly. "I just… want to feel you."

Kotetsu swallowed thickly. He had been surprised when his dick had jumped at the sight of Izumo's naked back. Now, that same flesh throbbed incessantly at his friend's words. _Fuck_ he really wanted Izumo. He wanted Izumo so badly he was going crazy. "What do I have to do?"

Izumo shook his head. "Nothing, just do it."

"Won't I hurt you?" Kotetsu asked.

"It's okay," Izumo whispered. "I wanna feel it tomorrow."

Kotetsu closed his eyes. He didn't know what to say to that, so he bent his head, and kissed Izumo's shoulder. Pulling himself up to his knees, Kotetsu maneuvered between Izumo's legs, and pushed his pants down his thighs. He popped the cap on the lube and poured a small amount over his fingers. He felt Izumo's eyes on him, and looked up. His friend was watching him with a hunger so intense, Kotetsu's stirred blood finally started to boil. He brought those slick fingers to his cock, and stroked himself slowly, watching Izumo's eyes widen at the sight.

Kotetsu leaned over the slighter man's body. He gently bent one of Izumo's knees, and his friend responded by lifting his hips and bracing himself in his elbows. The position made the angle easier for Kotetsu and the larger man brought his lips back to Izumo's ear.

"Please tell me if it's not good, or if it hurts too much," he whispered. When Izumo didn't respond, Kotetsu nuzzled his soft, brown hair. "Please…"

Tears began to leak from Izumo's eyes. The slighter man nodded slowly and released a heartbreaking sob into his hand.

"Say it," Kotetsu demanded.

Izumo nodded again. "Okay… okay I promise."

Kotetsu kissed his friend again on the neck and put the head of his cock against Izumo's tight opening. He pressed forward, gritting his teeth. As he felt his tip slide into his best friend's body, he bit back a groan that clambered up into his throat. There was more resistance than Kotetsu had first anticipated, and when he glanced up, he saw Izumo's eyes squeezed shut and his fists pulling brutally at the sheets. He almost pulled out, but then remembered Izumo had promised to tell him if it was hurt too much. Izumo wasn't saying anything so he pushed forward again.

Biting his lower lip ruthlessly, Kotetsu tried to hold back a slew of meaningless words and pitiful noises. There was no way this felt good for Izumo, but fuck everything, it felt _fantastic_ for Kotetsu. He had never experienced anything like this before. The warmth, the muscles squeezing and contracting around him made Kotetsu's heart race and his blood pump. Kotetsu's cock ached, his body screamed for more as he slowly seated himself to his balls. His stomach pressed against the clef of Izumo's ass, and the larger man lowered a hand to rub clumsy, yet soothing circles into muscled flesh.

"Oh shit, Zumo…" Kotetsu breathed. "Oh my go… I didn't expect it to feel so good."

Izumo said nothing, and burrowed his face into the sheets. Kotetsu's chest tightened, simultaneously angry that Izumo was silent about being in obvious pain, but also delirious from the amazing sensation of his cock buried so deep in such an exquisite heat.

He lowered his body to rest fully on Izumo's and ran a hand tenderly through his friend's hair. Kotetsu held the other man gently as he trembled, brushing his lips across a pale ear.

"I'm sorry," Kotetsu whispered. "I'm sorry I hurt you… but you didn't say anything."

Izumo turned his head away and reached up to slip his fingers through Kotetsu's. He squeezed softly and the spiky-haired nin took that as a go ahead. Kotetsu pulled his hips back, and slowly pushed them forward. He almost passed out from the pleasure that wracked through his body. _Holy fucking shit_ it was unreal how good this felt. Kotetsu wanted nothing more at that moment than to let loose and pound into the other man until his bones broke. It took an amazing amount of restraint not to just let go and rut Izumo like an animal.

"Zumo…" Kotetsu had to really work to find his voice. "Zumo, please… raise your hips. Get up on your knees."

Izumo obeyed, spreading his legs farther and pushing back. His torso and back stretched and arched obscenely as he put himself in the most vulnerable position one could ever put themselves in. Seeing all that muscle and all that power pulled so tight it was ready to snap, stopped Kotetsu's breath. Seeing his best friend put such trust in him, even after everything that had happened, electrified every nerve ending and chakra path in his body. Seeing the way the muscles in Izumo's ass and hips flexed and strained against him ignited a fire from deep within, and Kotetsu lost himself for a moment. He pulled back and drove forward roughly, aching to feel the friction that came with a good, hard thrust. He grunted, biting his tongue on accident when he actually saw stars. The taste of copper filled his mouth, and it brought him back to where he was.

Izumo still said nothing. Kotetsu was positive he was in tremendous pain, but his last thrust inside his friend's body had been so staggering, he could not help but do it again. He pulled back, snapped his hips forward, pulled back, and did it again. He hated himself for it; he knew he was a bastard for just doing what he wanted even when he knew he was hurting his best friend. But _oh gods_ it was beyond incredible. He closed his eyes, gripped Izumo's hips with shaking fingers, and as he thrust forward again roughly, he thought this couldn't get any better.

But then, Izumo gasped, threw back his head and _moaned_.

Kotetsu's heart stopped for a moment. He watched in fascination as his friend's back arched even harder that it already had been. The spiky-haired ninja's mouth went dry as he realized Izumo was _writhing_ beneath him. Encouraged, and trying desperately to calm his heart to keep it from thumping through his ribcage, Kotetsu leaned over the other man, pressing his chest to the other's sweaty back.

"Do you like this?" Kotetsu growled breathlessly into Izumo's ear.

Izumo leaned his head back against Kotetsu's shoulder and panted heavily against Kotetsu's cheek.

"Yes… Fuck yes…"

Kotetsu's mind vacated. He stopped thinking, and started acting on pure instinct. He focused on the single need to be as close to Izumo as he could; the need to see his face, and touch him everywhere he could to make him feel as amazing as Kotetsu felt now.

He pulled himself out of Izumo's body, and flipped the smaller man onto his back. He ignored Izumo's cry of surprise, and gripped his friend behind one of his knees. He hauled the leg up, and taking himself in his hand, pressed his aching, twitching cock back into the heat and fucking fantastic bliss of Izumo's body.

Izumo nearly screamed, but it was unmistakably from unrestrained hunger. His hands came up over his head, clawing at the headboard. He wrapped his legs around the larger man, and dug his heels into the backs of Kotetsu's thighs. Izumo pulled his friend into him so fiercely, Kotetsu found himself crying out as well, unmindful of how frantic his voice sounded.

He looked down Izumo's body, seeing his friend's cock heavy and leaking between his thighs. Still acting on his most basic instincts, Kotetsu took Izumo's length in his hand and stroked him roughly, never ceasing the movement of his hips. He changed the angle then, leaning over the other man, and he felt arms wrap around his neck.

"_Ah! Ah, Kotetsu..._" Izumo whispered into his ear. "_Kotetsu, I love you… I love you so much…_

The spiky-haired ninja buried his face against his best friend's jaw. He moaned, feeling the familiar pressure start coiling in his loins. He stroked Izumo's cock furiously, brutally thrusting into his best friend's velvety inside.

He was only semi-aware of Izumo's orgasm. He felt the length in his hand pulse; felt the slighter man's body still for several seconds before limbs tightened around him once again. Kotetsu would have liked to pay more attention to the soft sounds that fell from Izumo's lips and danced across his own ear. He would have liked to pull back and watch Izumo's face; see what kinds of expressions his friend made in the deepest throws of passion. But Kotetsu's own orgasm rolled through him, crashed into him so hard, he was momentarily blinded. His breath left him as his cock pulsed. His body shuddered, his nerves sang, his throat let loose a guttural, animalistic noise that Kotetsu was sure had not come from him.

He collapsed onto sweaty skin. He felt Izumo panting beneath him. Calloused hands tenderly caressed his arms and shoulders as he lie still, incapable of anything but just breathing for several minutes. When Kotetsu finally could move again, he raised himself up on shaky arms and looked down into Izumo's tearstained, but contented face.

He wanted to say so many things, but there was only one he could really voice.

"Are you okay?"

Izumo smiled softly and nodded, brushing a few sweaty strands of hair from Kotetsu's forehead. He ran his fingers down Kotetsu's cheeks, lowering his eyes to the larger man's lips. His smile turned sad, and his hands fell to the pillow.

Kotetsu wasn't sure what to do. This was usually where he kissed his partner as a thank you, or even just as a conclusion. It felt wrong to not press his lips to Izumo's, but he was sure Izumo had refrained from kissing him throughout this on purpose. So what should he do now?

He decided maybe it was a good idea to shift positions. He rose up and carefully pulled himself from Izumo's body. His friend hissed and his eyes rolled shut as Kotetsu slipped free.

Kotetsu froze. "I'm sorry."

Izumo shook his head. Running his tongue over his lips and letting out a short breath, he managed a small whisper. "It's okay."

Not wanting to admit to himself that he liked watching Izumo's tongue, Kotetsu moved to his knees and glanced down between Izumo's legs. He felt a sudden twinge of panic and started sputtering.

"Z…Izumo, there's blood. There's blood all over you, and- and on me. What-w… what do I-"

Izumo sat up and placed a hand over Kotetsu's mouth. The larger man stilled, his heart trying to break through his ribcage.

"I said it's okay," Izumo said quietly. "It happens when you don't do it very often."

Kotetsu sat back on his heels to watch his friend bring his legs together and slide to the edge of the bed. He winced, but didn't outwardly seem like he was more injured than he usually was after a sparring match or a mission.

Kotetsu hoped that was true.

"Do you need to take a shower before you go?" Izumo asked.

Kotetsu thought a moment. "Um… maybe, but uh… what about you? I mean, you can't-"

"I just need a washcloth." Izumo said, and started to stand.

"No!" Kotetsu leaped to his feet, pulling his pants up over his hips, and pushing Izumo gently back onto the bed. "I'll get it. I'll get it."

He ran into the bathroom, grabbed a cloth from the shelf, and turned on the water. As he waited for the stream to heat, he rested his hands on the edge of the sink, and looked up into the mirror.

He almost laughed when he saw his reflection. He didn't realize he had been expecting to look different. Really now, why would you look any different just because you had sex with a man? That was ridiculous. He pushed such thoughts from his head, and busied himself with cleaning his own body while he waited.

Making his way back into the bedroom with the warm washcloth, he grabbed his undershirt from the pile on the chair. He watched Izumo's eyes as he came back to the bed. His friend had laid back down, and covered himself with the sheet. He took the washcloth with a quiet 'thank you'.

Kotetsu turned away and pulled his clothes back on. He heard Izumo rustling around behind him, putting on his own clothes, and crossing the room to where Kotetsu stood. The spiky-haired ninja turned to his friend. Izumo had slipped back into his uniform pants, and a grey t-shirt. His hair was messy and his cheeks were still slightly flushed.

Seeing him like this made Kotetsu's heart ache. As to why, he didn't understand. He felt empty inside, and dreaded what Izumo was no doubt about to say.

"I'll walk you out," Izumo's voice wavered.

Kotetsu nodded slowly, and grabbed his flack vest and hitai-ate. He felt his legs would buckle as he descended the stairs. Something was wrong with him, but he didn't want to say anything, lest he worry Izumo. They didn't need that at this moment.

At the door, Izumo stood at the edge of the genkan, watching quietly as Kotetsu slipped on his sandals. Under his gaze, Kotetsu felt weak. His head was pounding a little. His mouth had gone dry.

Izumo folded his arms across his chest and smiled when Kotetsu stood. "I can have Iruka-sensei bring your things sometime next week if you like. I won't make you come back and get them."

Kotetsu wanted to cry. "I… you don't have to. I don't think I want them back…"

Izumo tilted his head and his smile wavered. His already red-rimmed eyes shone, but he quickly wiped at them with the back of his hand. He took a breath and steadied himself.

"I'll probably see you at the chuunin exams," he said quietly.

Kotetsu nodded. "Yeah… I'll see you."

Izumo said nothing more. He just stood, watching Kotetsu, waiting.

Kotetsu wanted to scream. "Bye…Zumo."

Izumo's jaw clenched hard. His eyes filled again, but he made no move to wipe the tears away as they fell. He nodded, and opened his mouth. His lip trembled when he whispered, so quietly that Kotetsu almost didn't hear.

"Bye…"

Kotetsu fought the ach. He struggled against the tightening in his chest. He turned towards the door with a sadness consuming him that was so profound, he realized he could not take a breath.

But this was it. There was no going back. Izumo wouldn't let him.

The door knob turned in his hand, but Kotetsu couldn't make himself open the door. This wasn't right. This wasn't right! _This wasn't right!_

When Kotetsu released the doorknob, his head stopped throbbing. When he took a step back, the knot in his chest loosened. When he turned around to find Izumo standing, hunched, his arms wrapped around him like he was in pain, his eyes closed against the tears that continued to flow, Kotetsu's heart was lifted.

The answer was simple. It was standing right in front of him. Izumo was the beginning, the end, and everything in between for him. Kotetsu could make this all go away. He could make it right.

He moved as he had been taught. He gave Izumo no chance to stop him. His friend flinched as Kotetsu's hand caressed his cheek.

"Tetsu…" he cried, his eyes still closed; his body trying to pull away. "Please don't… I'll never be able to-"

Kotetsu did not let him finish. He cupped the slighter man's face in his palms, and leaned in to press his lips softly against Izumo's.

Izumo resisted at first, but then he gave in and opened for Kotetsu. He let the spiky-haired nin explore with his tongue. He let his head be pulled back, and went limp as Kotetsu turned them and crushed Izumo against the wall.

"Tell me you don't want me to leave," Kotetsu breathed against Izumo's lips.

"I don't want you to leave." Izumo whimpered.

Kotetsu ran his thumb through fresh tear tracks. "Tell me to stay with you, and I promise I'll give you everything you want for the rest of your life."

Izumo's eyes opened wide. He stared at Kotetsu for several long moments, saying nothing; doing nothing. Then he made a small noise from the back of his throat, and his legs gave out. Kotetsu steadied him, before twisting and sinking to the floor along with his friend. He held Izumo in his lap as the slighter man sobbed silently against his neck. Izumo clung to him so desperately, so tightly, Kotetsu found himself actually smiling into the other man's hair.

When Izumo's shoulders stopped shaking, Kotetsu rested his head back against the wall and sighed.

"You know, Zumo?" Kotetsu murmured. "I think I love you too."

X x X x X

Years later, Kotetsu lay in bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting with unrepressed excitement and longing. He had felt Izumo's chakra earlier that evening as he passed the Hokage tower, and knew his lover was finally home. The mission had been long and Kotetsu had been out of his mind missing Izumo and worrying for him. It had been almost a month; the longest the two had ever been apart, and it had been excruciating.

The front door opened and closed, followed by the unmistakable thud of a flack vest and pouch hitting the floor. Footsteps sounded down the hall. Kotetsu heard the bathroom door, then running water. Still Kotetsu waited, knowing that Izumo had no doubt found the pile of clean towels and fresh soap Kotetsu had left out for him.

The water shut off, and Kotetsu's heart did a double flip as the bedroom door opened. Izumo's lean, naked form moved through the darkness and pulled the sheet from Kotetsu's body. Izumo slipped underneath, straddling the larger man, and pulled the sheet back over both of them.

Soft lips met Kotetsu's in the dark, and Izumo's smooth voice whispered softly against his skin.

"I'm home."

Kotetsu smiled and wrapped his arms around his lover, his best friend.

"Welcome back."

**END**


End file.
